A Bird's-Eye Look at Editing

Easter is over, the eggs are hunted, the family has gone back to their respective houses, the fridge is chock full of ham and sundries, the coffee/tea stash is seriously depleted, and it's time to start thinking about editing again.

I have adopted a methodical practice for editing this particular MS. First, I printed out the rough draft, and went through it with a pencil, marking specific changes as well as leaving just general comments like "awkward phrasing; fix it," or "this whole passage sucks; change it," or if I was feeling kindly toward myself "insert more about specific reasons here."

Next stage is the one I'm in now, putting the suggested changes into the document.

The next stage is the one I'm dreading, and the reason I read Line by Line: copy-editing. This is the mind-numbing part where I go through and look critically at each line, pulling it apart to see if it is as concise (in case you haven't gathered as much from my blog posts, I'm a rambly writer), understandable, and lovely as possible.

Then will come one final look-through, and then I will send it out to my beta readers. Assuming I have beta readers at that point, that is. Anyone want to volunteer for that? I'm always happy to read others' work in exchange. (and yes, I know it's not considered etiquette to beg for betas in this way. What can I say, I've been looking for a critique group for over a year now with no luck, and I'm desperate. Also, my tongue is rather in my cheek, though that doesn't mean I'd refuse if anyone offered to become a critique partner with me!)

After the betas tear it apart and send it back and I stop sobbing into my pillow over all their suggested improvements, I'll go through it again, fixing the problems they saw in it. Then I send it back to them, and then we decide if it's good to go out for submission, or if it needs yet more work.

It's a fairly exhaustive (and exhausting) process, and it's more intensive than I've ever attempted with any of my other finished MSS. However, of those, one was never meant for publication, but was simply finished as "my first finished novel;" one is languishing in a closed file; and one I've ended up tearing apart, breaking down, and starting it again from scratch. So I'm thinking that a more severe editing process might, in fact, be helpful for me. And after reading on Shannon Hale's blog that some of her works go through nine drafts, I really don't feel this is too over-the-top.

I'm planning on this taking a long time. I'd been feeling an almost panicked need to get this MS done, to get it out there as quickly as possible so that by the time Carl was ready to go back to school I could maybe, possibly, be helping the family finances. However, by working so hard and feeling so rushed, I was losing a lot of the joy that characterized the first writing of this story in the first place, and more importantly, was finding it harder and harder to enjoy being with my family, because every moment spent with them was a moment I wasn't writing.

Um, bad priorities.

So I've accepted that for right now, my role is not to assist in bringing in any extra money when Carl is in school, at least not through my writing. Depending on his schedule, I can always go back to retail - after eight years before my marriage, I'm pretty comfortable there - once he's in school, and help out that way. Right now, I'm going to slow down the frenetic pace I'd been applying to the writing, enjoy it, enjoy my family, enjoy life as it is right now, and take as long as I need to in order to make this story as close to perfect as I can, while still savoring being mumsie to my two little chickadees.

What does your editing process look like?

The Secret

I have discovered a secret!

Want to hear it?

It's a good one.

It is ...

How to give your ego a healthy deflating.

What is this trick?

Give your work to someone else - someone honest - to critique.

I sent a couple of short stories to a writer friend yesterday. She sent the first one back covered in notes. Now notice - I am THANKFUL that she did that. So very, very thankful for a true assessment that was also gracious. Because how will I ever improve if I don't know where I'm falling short? And how can I ever hope to get published if my writing is not as tight and clean as possible? So thank you, Andrea, for your meticulous and honest assessment (and also for the kind words at the start about what you liked!). And thank you also for pricking my ego (not that you yourself pricked it - seeing the amount of work still required on something I thought fairly tight pricked it. Just to be clear.).

You see, it's been a little while since I've had anything fit to send to anyone for critiquing. And in that time, I'd been starting to feel pretty good - even safe - about my writing.

I'm not saying I'm suddenly thinking I'm not a good writer - but that I didn't even realize how complacent I was getting about my writing until someone else looked at it.

Self-esteem = good. Complacency = bad.

I know I am a good writer. I also know I can be a better writer. It was that latter part that, without me realizing it, had been starting to slip. And it took a 3000-word story covered in honest (and for the most part very basic grammar and phrasing) corrections to jolt me out of that and remind me that hey, this is real work, lady, and writing cleanly is just as important as creating compelling characters.

So, that is my self-discovery for the week. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some editing to do.

In My Little Corner of the World

What? Yes, of course I am working!

My new favorite spot to write is here: in the grey recliner in the corner of the living room, half-hidden by the Christmas tree but with a good view out the enormous picture window.

Although since downloading the Kindle app for Macs the other day, I've been doing less writing and more reading on my laptop. Not sure this was the best idea after all! I'm also having a terrible time not just buying any e-book that catches my fancy. Something about this instant gratification thing that is tremendously addictive, and dangerous. I have to keep reminding myself that this is real money I am spending, even if they aren't "real" (ie, paper) books.

Sigh.

But back to the writing. I really have been working, even if much of that work does look like I am just sitting and staring into space. After filling out a basic outline for the Celtic YA fantasy (and was I ever surprised to find myself working on that one again - I figured it was going to take much longer before I was ready to even look at that again, given my Frustrations with it on the last round), I've been doing much pondering about how things should go, and careful consideration of my writing style for this one (the source of much of my frustration before - no matter how much I wanted to keep a wryly humorous tone, it would insist on taking itself too seriously, and getting Grim and Depressing). I even have part of the first chapter written - and this is actually more progress than one might think, since (for me) as the first chapter goes, so goes the rest of the book. Plus I can reuse a decent amount of material from the last draft, so once I get past these new beginning bits, a lot of what is going on will be cutting-and-pasting with new (hopefully amusing) filler in between the old stuff.

I had planned to work more on my MG fantasy since finishing the first draft of the 1920s ms, but the muse stirred for this one, so I am bowing to her whims. As long as I am working on one of my plethora of unfinished projects, I'm not particularly fussy as to which one.

Especially since recently I found my research notes and partial outline for the story I had planned on writing this year, the one that got shuffled aside in favor of the 1920s story and the Celtic rewrite. Starsong, the one set in a Renaissance world with a heroine inspired by the Maya culture.

And I really, really want to start working on that one again, but with a second draft needed for the 1920s ms, a picture book to indie publish by this summer (that's the goal, anyway), a Celtic rewrite needing to be finished, and an MG fantasy impatiently reminding me that it's been the one sitting around waiting to be finished the longest ...

I am Not! Starting! Anything! New! Some people (those with sanity) would tell me this is too much as it is. And they would probably be right.

But it's fun.

To Change, Or Not?

My mom got here yesterday, and we started the painting at the new place. I'm starting to have a faint hope that we might be ready to move by next Saturday, after all!

In the midst of everything else, I glanced over my completed children's story, The Magic Garden, the other day and thought, "Why did I stop sending this out?" I remember getting negative responses from all the publishers on my first list, but then I started on the second list, and somehow just ran out of steam.

So here's my question: my heroine is eleven (I actually Tweeted and put up on FB yesterday that she was eight - uh, too many paint fumes, I guess - but I really did remember writing her as eight. I must have aged her up later and then forgotten about it), and it technically would land as a middle-grade novel, based on protagonist's age. However, I wrote it with a simpler, cleaner style than I usually do (shorter sentences, simpler vocabulary, fewer parenthesis), and it's only 18,000 words.

Ought I to stretch it out and jazz it up a bit? I could do that, easily enough - it was really, really hard for me to keep it so simple to begin with! It's a story along the lines of Edward Eager and E Nesbit's fantasies - ordinary children who discover magic practically in their backyard, and have to learn its ins and outs, and thwart it and get thwarted by it. In the end, of course, the children all learn something important about themselves.

Half Magic, by Edward Eager, is around 30,000 words. Five Children and It, by E Nesbit, is a little over 50,000. I'm thinking it might be worthwhile, once I have finished the first draft of my 1920s fantasy-adventure, to pull out The Magic Garden again and see what I can do to make it more truly MG, instead of floating in this nebulous in-between region - not truly children's, but not MG, either.

What do you think?

Do you ever find that even though you believe in a story, you have to make some cosmetic changes to make it work? Have you ever lost steam on sending out a story, only to find it a good thing later, because it helps you make it even better before you send it out to anyone else? Do you agree that the world needs more stories in the tradition of Nesbit and Eager?

The Vote Is In!

You guys came up with some terrific suggestions and points to consider! Between your votes and what people came up with on Facebook, Catrin and Elin were definitely the favorites for the girls, and the vote was fairly evenly split between Wynn and Gethin.

In the end, I settled on ...

Catrin for the protag! One of the biggest selling points for me for this name, which I didn't even mention on here, is that the nickname is Cadi, which I kind of love even in real life. So she is Catrin for formal occasions, Cadi everywhere else. The simplicity of it also works well for her character, I think.

Wynn for the main love interest. I hesitated a bit on this one. Some of you mentioned the concern that it sounded more like a girl's name, which troubled me as well, but in the end, I just really, really liked it for him. Sometimes you've just got to go with your gut!

And Elin for the victim/bad guy. Aside from all the other good points for this name, it is only one letter less than her original name of Elain, which makes changing it in the MS nice and simple. Never let it be said I'm not honest with you all!

So now that the fun stuff is out of the way, I just need to work on finishing the first draft of this beast, and then deciding on a title. Which will be decidedly less than fun. Titles are not my forte.

Thanks again for all your input! It was a huge help.

The Name Game

So, as I mentioned in a comment on my last post, I am now considering changing the names of my characters (since their personalities have all changed anyway), stopping calling this project a "rewrite," and just think of it as a brand-new project working from the same basic premise as the original.

Which might be smart, because last night it suddenly took a sharp plot turn I hadn't seen coming, and now I'm scrambling to catch up and figure out where we're going now. I haven't had a story get this out of my grasp (and this far away from the outline) in ages. It's both scary and fun - I love that it's taken on life of its own, but I hate the uncertainty of not knowing where the heck we're going, and trying to figure out when I can make it intersect again with the outline.

Anyway. I'm keeping the Welsh flavor, because I love that culture, and because I've already done a great deal of study on it.

And here's where you guys come in: I need opinions on names!

MC Current Name: Tesni (means warmth from the sun).
New Choices: Catrin ("pure"); Efa ("to live"); Nest ("chaste"); Nerys ("lady"); Rhian ("maiden"); Tegwen ("fair and blessed").
(She is very tall and sturdy, plain features, crooked nose, muddy eyes, mouse-colored frizzy hair. She is extremely practical, with a wry sense of humor, and is self-sacrificing to a fault because she doesn't consider herself of any value at all.)

Romantic Interest Current Name: Gwyn ("white, fair, blessed").
New Choices: Wynn (same meaning as the first); Neirin ("noble"); Iolyn ("handsome lord"); Gethin (swarthy").
(He is short, stocky, curly black hair and bright blue eyes, square face. Reassuring type of person, calm and accepting of almost any situation without surprise, feels the need to do something for the world as he has lived in sheltered privilege his entire life and only recently escaped.)

MC Sister (also victim and sort of bad guy) Current Name: Elain ("fawn").
New Choices: Anwen ("very beautiful"); Elin ("moon").
(Beautiful in a traditional fairy-tale way, but weak and vapid. Is usually crying or whining.)

Those are the three main names I'm struggling with. The others I've either already chosen or don't need to settle yet.

Which would you pick? I'm also open to other suggestions, if you have them - my only stipulation is that they must be Welsh, and not modern!

Query Question

Question for all you lovely people with more experience and know-how than I have:

I sent out queries to a number of agents for the original version of The Eldest Sister. With the rewrite, almost everything but the character names and basic premise has changed - tone, plot, character personalities, even the title (I currently don't have a title, but I figure time enough to figure that one out when the rewrite is complete).

If, in six months or whenever this beast is ready to pounce upon an unsuspecting world, I send queries to the same agents I queried before, do I mention that this is the same MS as before (none of them even asked for a full, so it's not like they read beyond the first ten pages-three chapters which various agencies request along with the query) only substantially changed (and hopefully improved), or just assume that they have forgotten all about the bland query letter from however many months previous?

My hunch is to not even both to mention it, but I wanted other people's opinions before making the final call. And even though I'm not nearly ready to present this to agents yet, it's never too early to start thinking about it, right?

Things I Have Learned ... From YOU!

The interesting thing about working really, really hard on a writing project, is that suddenly you have no time or topics for blogging. I mean, really, how many posts do people really want to read on how this rewrite is going?

(By the way, it's going really, super well. As in, I've been at it less than a week and have over 20,000 words done. Of course, yesterday marked the first time my floors were swept in I-don't-want-to-think-how-long, and the pile of clean laundry in my laundry room is threatening to take over my house unless I start folding, and my family has been eating vegetarian for the simple reason that I never remember to take meat out of the freezer early enough in the day .... but hey. The WRITING is going great!)


One really fantastic thing with this rewrite that I do want to mention is how much the writing blogs I've started following in the last year have helped. For example? In the first version, my MC had to look at her reflection for me to feel comfortable giving her physical description.

I know. CLICHE!

I knew it was cliched even then, but it wasn't until reading a bunch of different blogs that I started to realize just how cliched it was. And, even better, how to avoid it. Now, she simply knows how she looks. Because really, how many of us need a mirror to describe how we look? I haven't looked in a mirror since leaving the house for Bible Study last night, but I can tell you right now exactly how I look:

Ash-blonde hair with lighter highlight and darker lowlights to brighten it and give it depth. Just about jaw-length, mostly one length except those front pieces that used to be bangs and I am desperately trying to lose (I TOLD the hairdresser bangs don't work for me, but she didn't listen. They never do). High, broad forehead. Dark brows that used to meet in the middle but are, thanks to tweezers and wax, mostly tamed these days. Blue eyes with long lashes that make the ever-present dark circles underneath look even darker. A blunt nose that I've always hated, even if it is a family trait. High cheekbones, one of my few claims to beauty. A mouth that is almost always smiling at least a little, and usually a lot, and mostly straight teeth thanks to my lovely orthodontist (and would be perfectly straight if I had been better about wearing my retainer after I got married, but hey, what young newlywed wants to go to bed with a mouthful of plastic?) Receding jawline that I HATE, especially when combined with my nose, because the two together make my profile look idiotic. My only comfort comes when I remember that Lord Peter Wimsey had no chin, either. Coarse skin if I don't moisturize, prone to redness when I don't wear my correcting powder, and thank goodness for modern makeup!

(I just got up and glanced in the mirror. The only things I forgot were my ears, which are unremarkable, and my glasses. I have no excuse for forgetting the latter. They are the first things I put on when I wake up, and the last I take off before bed, and I've worn them (well, not this particular pair, but glasses in general) since I was twelve.)

I've digressed here, but to try to return to my original point - the tips and tricks I've picked up from other writers, editors, deep readers, etc across the internet have helped me to be more critical in my own work, and I am tremendously thankful. I'm learning so much more than I've been able to do just on my own, especially with things such as building tension, pacing scenes, creating conflict ... I'm a fairly straightforward thinker (no tortuous mind for me, as Poirot had), and so my stories tend to happen in a straightforward manner, which equals BORING for the reader.

I'm even eliminating most of the adverbs I've always liked to add to my dialogue tags, and that's a habit I never thought I'd be able to break!

The internet can be a terrible distraction for anyone, especially writers, but the people who share their knowledge and experience through the internet? You are wonderful, and I thank you!

What are some of the best tips you've gotten from other writers on the internet? What are ways you've been able to improve your writing, that you might not otherwise have done? If you were to describe yourself without the aid of a mirror, what key element(s) would you miss, if any? Does your hairdresser ever listen when you try to tell her things about your hair?

Deep and Fun

A couple days ago, I tossed this out on Twitter:

Wondering if it's possible to rewrite my super-serious YA fantasy as more lighthearted/humorous w/out losing the deep threads. Thoughts?

The answer I received (the only one - thank you, Rockinlibrarian!) was a resounding yes, mentioning a couple writers I had already thought of, particularly Diana Wynne Jones (Lloyd Alexander was the other one that came to my mind, as soon as I wrote the Tweet).

This is the MS that I've been sending queries out on for quite a while, without even getting any requests. Not that that alone would make me change it, but when I realized that I didn't even feel like re-reading it because it was so gloomy, I thought perhaps it was time to do some serious, serious fun revamping.

The problem is, I think, that the story was mainly written when I was either pregnant or sleep-deprived from babies, and therefore had a pretty depressed outlook on life. It was great to get that out in my writing - probably kept me from going completely insane - but the end result was a very heavy story.

Some people do heavy really well. I am not one of them. My heavy was pretty much a slog through a thick and gloomy mire, with only occasional bright spots.

Worse than all this, it wasn't me. Ask anyone who knows me at all to name the first thing about me they can think of, and they will say "her laugh." I was cracking jokes in labor, for crying out loud, in between my shrieks of pain and pounding fists (I threw dignity out the door after the first ten hours). My entire family is known for causing scenes at weddings and funerals, because we cannot keep to an appropriate solemnity - in fact, something about that much solemnity makes us laugh even more.

So to write something so heavy and angst-y was just not me. Not Louise. Not, at least, the Louise I want to be. Maybe it was the sleep-deprived, exhausted, stressed Louise, but I'm trying to banish her from my life for good these days (which would be SO MUCH easier if my children would ever let me, you know, SLEEP).

But I also didn't want to lose the themes of sacrifice, grace, and love that were woven throughout the book. I didn't want to go too far in the other direction and write nothing but fluff.

My absolute favorite authors are those who make you laugh first, and then scratch your head afterward and go, "Whoa. That was deep."

It's a lot harder than just writing straight-up funny stories or straight-up deep, trying to blend the two. But when in my life have I ever done anything the easy way? And why would I start now?

I am currently two chapters in to the re-write, and already I like my heroine better. Already I like the direction the story is taking more. I like the new twist I added, because another problem with the story as it was was that it was too straight-forward, without any sneaky little bits added in, or any unexpected turns in the plot.

Yes, this means that I am re-writing from scratch one MS at the same time I am working on a brand-new story, and still researching that darn Renaissance fantasy (though in all honesty, that one is on a bit of a hiatus. I haven't cracked my history books for weeks). And yes, I am doing all of this while being a stay-at-home mom to a two year old and three (and a half, she would insist on me adding) year old.

Certifiably crazy? Possibly. But where would the fun be in being sane?

Dialogue Difficulties

I love writing dialogue.

I can write pages and pages of nothing but dialogue. Not even anything else interspersed between, just "..." he said. "..." she said. On and on, for miles. I took advantage of this with my first novel (which reads like a rip-off of every major fantasy novel ever written and therefore will never be seen in public): I wrote the first draft as though it were a play, just dialogue with occasional "stage cues." For the second draft, I went through and added to the dialogue, filled in the pencil outline with colored ink, so to speak. It worked well enough for that story, because it was so unoriginal, but I've never been able to make it work since.

So now I strive very hard to add body language, scenery, scent, emotion, everything that one needs, in between the dialogue. Sometimes I still get carried away, though, and realize that I've completely ignored plot development for half a dozen pages while I let my characters have a marvelous meandering conversation. Which is lifelike, true, but most likely boring and frustrating for anyone but myself to read. Then I have to go back and prune it down, insert clues to the plot and/or character development into the dialogue so that it has a point.

Part of the difficulty for me is that it is through conversation we get to know people - how they think, how they feel, how they react in any situation. Since I write mostly character-driven stories, rather than strictly plot-driven, conversation seems the best way to show my characters, rather than just telling the audience what they are thinking, feeling, etc. However, it is the unspoken actions, as much as the spoken, that reveal a person, and that is where I struggle.

Compare:

"I don't like being told what to do," Maia said.
"I don't particularly care whether you like it or not," Aunt Amelia replied.
"You are being unreasonable," Maia said.
"That is irrelevant," said Aunt Amelia.

Or:

Maia folded her arms across her chest and tried to appear as stern and immovable as her tiny aunt. "I don't like being told what to do."
"I don't particularly care whether you like it or not." Aunt Amelia was superbly indifferent to Maia's attempts at intimidation.
Maia uncrossed her arms and stamped her foot, forgetful of the dignity of her nineteen years. "You are being completely unreasonable!"
"That," said Aunt Amelia, a smirk lurking at the corner of her mouth despite her best efforts, "is irrelevant."

Well? Which one shows the characters better? Then add some scenery at the end:

The bees blundered drunkenly from flower to flower, unaware of the battle of wills that was raging in the center of the garden. The heady scent from the early roses tickled Maia's nose and increased her irritation with her aunt. How dare she ruin a beautiful June day like this, with the sun shining and the fluffy clouds darting playfully across the azure sky, with her unreasonable demands? It was enough to make even a saint lose her temper - and Maia was no saint. Nor did she have the wisdom of Athena, despite the marble statue looming over her shoulder that suggested otherwise.

It's not perfect, and I know many other writers could do far better - but it's getting there. Another half-dozen novels, and maybe it will come more easily to me!

Do you prefer to write dialogue or scene settings? What are some of your pitfalls you have to combat in your writing? Have you ever written a novel that was cookie-cutter imitation of whatever is popular in your particular genre? If it was fantasy, did it have a character who was half-elven? (Mine did!)

Query, Revised

Thank you all so much for your words of advice and encouragement. Here, without further ado, is the revised text of The Query:

Dear Agent,

Nobody expected Tesni of Glynbach to be the one to rescue her younger sister from the evil witch - not even Tesni herself. As the eldest of three sisters, born in a land where nobody stepped outside fairy-tale convention, Tesni was supposed to hate Elain, not want to save her. But when weak-chinned Prince Aled cannot rescue his true love, it is Tesni who defies tradition and travels across the land to fulfill the witch’s five impossible tasks. With a few stalwart friends by her side, Tesni quests to collect each of the demanded magical items, seeing much that surprises her, and learning some important truths about herself. In the end, she must decide if love for her sister is enough to make the greatest sacrifice of all - to leave her home and family forever. Can happily-ever-after happen even to an Eldest-of-Three?

The Eldest Sister is my 70,000 word young adult fantasy novel. With a strong and conflicted female protagonist and a plot which highlights sacrifice and undeserved grace, The Eldest Sister is likely to appeal to readers of such authors as Lloyd Alexander, Shannon Hale, and Robin McKinley.

I have had two award-winning short stories and two poems published in the 2003 edition of Grasse Roots, the State University of New York at Canton’s literary magazine.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Louise Ayers

Better, yes or no? Personally, I think it's not only more interesting, but carries more of my authentic "voice," rather than being dull and formal. Does it make you want to read the story?

ETA: Apparently one or two people have tried to leave a comment, but nothing has shown up yet. If you've tried, I didn't delete it! Maybe Blogger just has a bug? Anyway, hopefully if you try again, the comments will go through this time.

New Opening, The Eldest Sister

I've been thinking for a while about revamping the opening chapter of The Eldest Sister. I've been feeling like it's a little dull (seven rejections in a row will do that to you). So this morning, I decided my elbow was healed enough that I could risk some more typing, and I re-did Chapter One. I am quite thoroughly pleased with the result. What follows here is not the entire first chapter, but it is the part that most agents would see if they request a few pages along with the query (as many of them do). What do you think? If you were an agent, would this pique your interest?

&&&

Tesni was ten the first time she met one of the y Tylwyth Teg. She didn’t realize at the time that’s what the old hag was—after all, an Eldest-of-Three didn’t have harmless encounters with the Fair Folk, any more than a Wicked Stepsister or an Oldest Son. Had it been Tesni’s youngest sister Elain, now, nobody would have thought anything of the meeting. Just an old women walking past the ugly little girl working in her garden, nodding and commenting on how lovely her flowers were.

That sort of thing happened to Youngest-of-Threes all the time (except the ugly part). Had it happened to Elain, she would have offered the old lady one of her flowers, the old woman would have taken it, and a few years down the road given her a magical gift (one that would utterly discompose her two elder sisters, naturally) in return.

That was how it was supposed to happen. Tesni, though, just stared dumbly at the hag, curious about her unusual amber eyes, and didn’t say anything. Nobody had ever noticed her flowers before. The garden was the one place she could be where nobody expected her to be a proper Eldest-of-Three. Her plants didn’t care that before her mother died and her father’s second wife gave him a third daughter, Tesni had been happy and pretty and petted. They didn’t care that by the time Elain was sixteen, Tesni was going to have to be very wicked and cruel, and would be either banished from Glynbach or killed for trying to ruin her sister’s happiness.

They only cared that she tended them as carefully and lovingly as an Only Daughter or Princess-Stolen-At-Birth. The only times Tesni could fly into a proper rage at Elain without even trying were when her four-year-younger sister would destroy one of her flowers by stepping on it without thinking, or tearing it up by the roots “just because.”

Because of this, Tesni’s family decided the garden could stand as another example of her pride and selfishness, and never interfered with her spending time in it. So for the old lady to comment at all, much less favorably, upon the flowers, came as a shock to the little girl.

The hag waited patiently, but when Tesni didn’t say anything at all, she went on her way. Tesni mentioned the incident at the dinner table that evening, much to her father and stepmother’s displeasure.

“Nonsense!” the merchant said, spearing a piece of meat with his knife and transferring it to his trencher. “Only y Tylwyth Teg have amber eyes.”

“And the Fair Folk would never speak kindly to you,” the stepmother said, helping Elain with her milk before she spilled it all over her pretty tunic. “You are an Eldest-of-Three.”

Tesni bit her lip and nodded, looking at her distorted reflection in her cup of water. Frizzy mouse-colored hair—sallow skin—a long, crooked nose—small muddy eyes—pinched mouth—yes, everything about her proclaimed her an Eldest-of-Three. The stupidest person in Glynbach would recognize her as such. Surely the Fair Folk would do so as well.

“If it was a Fair Folk,” the stepmother said, a frown marring her pretty face, “she was probably expecting to see Elain out in the garden, instead of Tesni. Youngest-of-Threes are supposed to love flowers and growing things, after all. We’ll have to make sure she spends more time out there from now on.”

“But my plants!” Tesni cried in dismay.

“You can still tend them,” her father said. “Just not when anyone is likely to see you. It will have to look like the garden belongs to Elain, not you.”

Tesni wanted to protest, but she swallowed her words. What did it matter? Everything was going to end the way it was supposed to anyway, whether she protested or not.

She glanced at the middle sister, Alis, placidly eating her meal without paying the slightest bit of attention to anything else. Tesni wished she could be that complacent about her role.

It would make life so much easier.

Copyright 2011 E Louise Bates, do not use without permission.