So, one of my good friends suggested posting my query letter up on my blog, so you, my other writerly friends, could cast a glance over it and tell me what egregious errors I've committed to receive so many, and such quick, rejections.
Just ... be gentle in your critique, please? I'm feeling a little sensitive about my writing right now
Dear [Agent],In a land of fairy-tale conventions, Tesni has never quite fit. As an Eldest-Sister-of-Three, she can’t bring herself to hate her rabbity youngest sister Elain, nor does she have any desire to marry the sniveling Prince Aled. She plays her part dutifully, even knowing that she will be banished or killed for it in the end, for her love for family and home outweighs her desire for her own happy ending. When plans go awry, Tesni breaks tradition to embark on a dangerous and possibly deadly quest for Elain’s freedom. From the depths of the Underworld to the magical Fair Folk realm, the journey causes her to learn who she truly is.How Tesni realizes that there are worse things than death, and decides if she is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for her sister’s happiness, furnishes the story line in my 70,000 word young adult fantasy The Eldest Sister. Featuring a strong and conflicted female protagonist and a plot which layers themes of sacrifice and undeserved grace under its playful premise, The Eldest Sister is likely to appeal to readers of such authors as Lloyd Alexander, Shannon Hale, and Robin McKinley.I attended the State University of NY at Canton, and the State University of NY at Potsdam from 2002-2004, and I have had two short stories and two poems published in Grasse Roots, SUNY Canton’s literary magazine.Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.Sincerely,
Louise Bates
There you are, friends. Have at it (gently).
